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Tag Archive for 'sms-messages' Page 6 of 13

05AugFunny Teasing SMS Messages !

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on

At this moment i have a déjà vu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have forgotten this before.

Do you have a Bandaid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you.

Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?

Do you have a map? Cos Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes.

Do you have any Irish in you? (if no…) Would you like some? (if yes…) Want some more?

Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across
the room?

Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.

Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have
lost mine.

Excuse me, do you live around here often?

Excuse me. I’m from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I’m going to have to ask you to assume the position.

For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.

Girl, you gotta be tired coz you been runnin through my mind all day.

Grab yer bag Doll…you’ve just pulled…

Greetings and salivations

Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

Hello. Cupid called.He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

Hey babe…can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?

Hey babe…can you suck start a Harley?

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i’m playin cards n i’m missin the joker!!

Hey I’m looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

Hey…somebody farted. Let’s get out of here.

Hi. Are you cute?

Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

Hi. I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

I am a killer,I kill people for money…..But because you are my friend,I’ll kill you for nothing!

I am not stupid, I am blond!!! B - L - O - N - T

I am not your type … I am not inflatable.

I can sense that you’re a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

I once sniffed Coke, but the icecubes blocked my nostrils…

I think I feel like Richard Gere - I’m standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.

i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!

I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.

If I’d had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents !

If you have no voice: SCREAM…… If you have no legs: RUN……… If you have no hope: INVENT…

If you really ressemble the picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to travel.

If you think fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the money

I’ll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.

I’m a frog but if u kiss me I’ll turn into a prince

I’m easy. Are you?

I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.

I’m good at maths, U+I=69

I’m on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

I’m sick. My medicine is to talk to you.

In case of fire read this message……………………………….I SAID IN
CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!

Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac’s.

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

Is your name Gillette? …coz you’re the best a man can get.

Is your name Summer? ‘Cause you are as hot as hell.

It must be cold in here - or are you just happy to see me?

It’s not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.

I’ve just moved you to the top of my ‘to do’ list.

I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

Kill one you’re a murderer, kill 10 you’re a serial murderer, kill them all, you’re GOD.

Like the look of your crotch.

Love your neighbour, but don’t get caught.

Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything … dial my number!

My feelings for you are like the sea. ” Wild and romantic ? ” “No, they make me sick.”

Nice dress, it’d look good on my bedroom floor

Nice perfume… but do you really need to marinate in it?

No Boys! No Boys, no Sex. No Sex, no Kids. No Kids, no School. No School, no problems! Why Boys??

Of course there’s lots of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I’d love to catch and mount back at my place.

One chicken to an other: are you tokkin’ to me?

One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.

Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

Read in a hospital… The psychiatrist may not be disturbed

roses are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn’t…

Seriously honey, sex is like Pizza. Even if it bad, it still pretty darn good.

That’s a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

There’s just one thing your eyes haven’t told me yet….you’re name.

They dropped your name, can you pick it up ?

This sms can only be read by someone SEXY:…try again…again…maybe you are just not sexy?…one more time…hey don’t force it ugly!!!

Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain’t 3.5 inches and it sure ain’t floppy.

Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?

Want to come into the garden see my big juicy tomatoes?

Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there’s nothing else like you!

Was your fathera thief ? ‘Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Were you arrested earlier? It’s gotta be illegal to look that
good.

What time do you have to be back in heaven?

When the apple is green and ready to pluck. When a girl is sixteen she’s ready to fuck!

Will you be my Xmas cracker? I’d really like to pull you.

Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?

Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?

You are never too blond to learn !!!

You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!

You must be going to hell, because it is a sin to look that good.

in Just For Fun. 2 Comments

05AugFunny Sexy One Liner SMS Messages

Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey
jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! .

If I received anickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have fivecents.

When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt
up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.

Don’t feel sad, don’t feel glue, Einstein was ugly too !

There gotta be a keg in your pants, coz I wanna tap that
ass.

Excuse me, I’m looking for a friend…do you want to be my
friend?

I’ve got the ship, you’ve got the harbor … what say we tie
up for the night?

You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

I’m fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on
earth tonight.

When I’m older, I’ll look back at all of my crowning memories, and think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.

If I could be anything, I’d love to be your bathwater.

Why don’t you come over here, sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?

Have I seen you before? Oh, yeah, I remember - it was in the dictionary under the word FANBLEEDINGTASTIC!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you between F and CK

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.

Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, “Now that I’ve broken the ice, lets talk”

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2.
If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

I’m bigger and better than the Titanic … only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

You are a 9.999. Well, you’d be a perfect 10 if you were
with me.

You’re good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a
perfect square?

BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you
will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you’ll never have multiple orgasm again!

E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need.

Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

It is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an animal in bed and it knows one French word … MOI!!

Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn’t have if you didn’t have a computer.

Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?

Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now….. sorry I will leave, I can’t find a brain.

roses are red, violets are blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you????

There are three girls in the sixth grade … A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ………… The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!

After the party - mum, I am not drunk, I can lay on the flour without holding on

Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.

Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!

HELLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!

I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to sex.

Bigamy…………..What is the penalty for bigamy?
…………… Two mothers-in-law !

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. “yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause.”

Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

You have the ones that think and you have the ones that do things. The worst kind are those who think that they are doing things.

This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly.

Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster

Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad
luck ? “Of course, why would Friday be an exception?”

A girl phoned me the other day and said…Come on over, there is nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

I love you in the mornig, I love you in the evening, but most of all, I love you when you are leaving

You used to be so ugly that your mother had to tie a steak around your neck, otherwise even the dog would not play with you

Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I’ve ever saw.

You be the Dairy Queen and I’ll be your Burger King: if you treat me right I’ll do it your way

No men, no love, No love, no sex, No sex, no childeren, No childeren, no school, No school, no homework, No homework, no problems!

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don’t
care, me don’t cry, me just happy that a cow can’t fly!!

Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place.

You got STYLE… You got SEX-APPEAL… You got the BRAINS… and you sure as hell got the BODY….WAIT!!!!!…SORRY….wrong number

Do you think I can live for another fourty years? … Do you drink? … No! … Do you smoke? … No! … Do you visit the whores? … No! ……. Why do you want to live another fourty years?

Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile …. but that is enough about me, tell me how you are?

We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. “I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few people die.”

Your provider adjusted his rates. The rate is determined by the length of your genitalia, the shorter they are, the less you pay. You can telephone for free from now on!

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04AugSome Rib Tickling SMS Messages

Promise me we are true friends
I am lamp you are light
I am Coke you are Sprite
I am Sawan you are badal
I am Normal you are Pagal
I am Water you are Tanki
I am Tarzan you are Monkey…..PoOoOoH!!!

You r my sweet SONA
I don’t want u 2 KHONA
I want a place in your heart’s KONA
Otherwise i will start RONA
Atleast Good Morning to kar LONA

TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
E-mail KARNE ME bade le8 ho,
JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho…!

Mere Dil, Jiger, Kidney, Liver ho tum
waqt-bewaqt aaye vo fever ho tum
Doob kar jisme marr jayu vo River ho tum
Mere jeevan mein ab to forever ho tum…

Dil mein aansuyo ke mele hain
Tum bin hum bohat akele hain
Sab kuch chod kar tumeh e-mail karte hain
Dekho hum kitne vele hain

Someday u may lose ur hair.
u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.
But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.
coz u cant lose wot u don’t have!

Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye
Aur humare dil se awaaz nikalii….
Fiteh Mooh…Tusin Ethe vii aa gaye !!!

When u feel sad….
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
“dam’n I am really so cute” u will overcome your sadness.
But don’t make this a habit…..
Coz liars go to hell !!!!

Aap kya jaano hum kitna yaad karte hain
maano ya na maano har pal fariyaad karte hain
Roz khat likhte hain CARTOON NETWORK ko
aur aapko play karne ki maang karte hain….
waaaaahhhhhhhhh…

Shaam hote hii ye Dil udaas hota hai
Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai
Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai
Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai..

When the time comes for you to give your heart to someone make
sure that u select someone who will never break your heart coz
broken hearts have no spare parts.

Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi
liya paper aur tasveer aapki bnayi
socha tha ki unko dil se laga kar rakhenge
magar vo to bacho ko draane ke kaam aayi…

A good Friend is like a computer
he ENTERS in your life SAVE himself
in your heart,FORMATS all your troubles
and never DELETE you from his heart.

I see your face when I am dreaming
That’s why I always wake up screaming

Tum hoti to aisa hota, tum hoti to waisa hota
Tum is baat pe itna hasti, tum uss baat pe itna khush hoti,
Tum is baat pe ye kehti,tum uss baat pe wo kahati
shukar hai tum nahi ho!!!

Tumko dekha to yeh khyaal aaya
Tumko dekha to yeh khyaal aaya
Ki Paaglo ke stock mein Naya Maal Aaya

Umeedo ki manjil toot gayi
aankho se ashqo ki dhara beh gayi
are tumahri bhi kya izaat reh gayi
jab class ki ladki bhaiya keh gayi

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03AugSome More Funny SMS Message Jokes!

NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie!

The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I’ve seen so many faces, so I’ll fuck you at different places.

You should know what it takes to look this cheap!

My mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this moment…

Smoking is allowed in this area, blowing not!

When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? …. When she starts with “My husband said…”

If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.

Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you’d mind if I fantasize about you?

Help, somethings wrong with my eyes - I just can’t take them off you.

Honey, you give new meaning to the defintion of ‘edible’.

I think about you when I masturbate.

If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?

A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!

Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.

Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!

If you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove that you have not changed a bit.

Of course… If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.

There’s this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn’t go by myself.

I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Since sex is a killer, would ya like to die happy?

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.

What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ……first some screwing before use

Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? …………….. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!

You should be someone’s wife.

Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?

Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ???

What’s the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.

What’s the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after five years!

You’re like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast.

Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?

I think I can die happy now, coz I’ve just seen a piece of heaven.

Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand

I’m betting that you cannot wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful every day.

Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short…sweet and always cheap!!!

When god created the men he was only kidding

You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.

Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world..

Hi, I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it’s time to see if I’m right.

I’m not trying anything, I always put my hands there.

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin’…

Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask.

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!

There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.

Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

This is your boss: “You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds.”

You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

You see my friend over there? He wants to know if YOU think I’M cute.

Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you’ve never met and say, “Come on, we’re leaving.”

What’s a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee.

Is you father a lumberjack Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

Was your Father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

Excuse me, but I DO think it’s time we met.

Gee, for a fat girl you sure don’t sweat much.

The only thing that matters is that we’re together.

Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Go up to a girl, ask her: “Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?” She says no. Then wink.

I bet you $40 you’re gonna turn me down.

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

You’ve been a bad, bad girl (boy). Now go to my room!

I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning??

God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!

Please help the homeless. Take me home with you…

Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching………still searching……get a good grip of your mobile….still searching…….no brains found.

Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand ………………

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

You’d better not be a dayfly and not having your day.

Your Daddy must play the trumpet, cos he sure made me horny!

You’re eyes are bluer than the atlantic ocean and baby, I’m all lost at sea.

You’re like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life!

You’re like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I just can’t stop ya

You’re so hot, your ass is on fire.

You’ve made me so nervous that I’ve totally forgotten forgotten my standard pick-up line.

in Just For Fun. 1 Comment

03AugReally Funny SMS text message Jokes

A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.

How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ………………. ……………….. How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*

How was Heaven when you left it?

How would you like your egg for breakfast…. hard-boiled or impregnated?

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window… I look down & den… i lauf again

I wonder what our children will look like.

Ik would like to be a volcano… smoke all day and people say … look he is working!

To wake up in the morning and always see the sun no matter the weather, I’m glad the day has begun.

We will now upgrade your brain…….Please wait……..Searching…….Searching…….Still searching……..Sorry, no brain found !!!

Are we related? Do you want to be?

Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street.

I’m wearing Revlon colourstay lipstick. Wanna help me test the claim it won’t kiss off?

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?

Screw me if I’m wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts.

The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s say we head back to your place and spread the word.

You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don’t you like pizza?!

You will have to cut back on your sex live. What part will you leave out, talking about it or thinking about it?

You with your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body … o, sorry, wrong number

Got two nipples for a dime?

I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.

I know that Milk does the body good, but wow, how much you been drinking?

I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids…

If a women asks, “Excuse me, do you have the time?” You should answer: “Yeah! Do you have the energy?”

A man was dying of cancer. His son asked himad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied”So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom

Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

The 3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die

As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!

Do you want to see something swell?

Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!

If you want SEX take a boy and RELAX but don’t forget DUREX!!!

If you were a car, I’d wax and ride you all over town.

If you were a laser, you’d be set on “stunning”.

Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.

When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I’m a lady and I play with boys!!

When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.

You know the Power company is looking for you coz you’re so electrifying.

You know, I ain’t this tall. I’m just sitting on my wallet.

You know, you’re very easy on the eyes…and very hard on my erection.

A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? …………………. stupid of course, there are no others

Do I know you from somewhere, because I don’t recognize you with your clothes on?

So….How am I doin’?

The one who digs a hole for someone else, is sweating blood !

What he want, I do not want … What I want, he does not want … What we want, is not allowed!

I have 4 words for you “Hol I Day Inn”.

Say, did we go to different schools together?

Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise

Do you know how to use a whip?

Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?

Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.

Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.

Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.

For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?”

Hold out two fingers and say: “Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?” (I don’t know.) “Cause they’re mine sweetheart.”

I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.

If beauty were an hour, you’d be a second.

I’msorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start. .

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.