The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I’ve seen so many faces, so I’ll fuck you at different places.

You should know what it takes to look this cheap!

My mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this moment…

Smoking is allowed in this area, blowing not!

When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? …. When she starts with “My husband said…”

If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.

Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you’d mind if I fantasize about you?

Help, somethings wrong with my eyes - I just can’t take them off you.

Honey, you give new meaning to the defintion of ‘edible’.

I think about you when I masturbate.

If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?

A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!

Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.

Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged!

If you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove that you have not changed a bit.

Of course… If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.

There’s this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn’t go by myself.

I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

Since sex is a killer, would ya like to die happy?

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.

What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ……first some screwing before use

Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? …………….. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!

You should be someone’s wife.

Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?

Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ???

What’s the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.

What’s the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after five years!

You’re like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast.

Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?

I think I can die happy now, coz I’ve just seen a piece of heaven.

Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand

I’m betting that you cannot wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful every day.

Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short…sweet and always cheap!!!

When god created the men he was only kidding

You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.

Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world..

Hi, I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it’s time to see if I’m right.

I’m not trying anything, I always put my hands there.

It’s important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It’s also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin’…

Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask.

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!

There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.

Gee, that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

This is your boss: “You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds.”

You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

You see my friend over there? He wants to know if YOU think I’M cute.

Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you’ve never met and say, “Come on, we’re leaving.”

What’s a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee.

Is you father a lumberjack Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

Was your Father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

Excuse me, but I DO think it’s time we met.

Gee, for a fat girl you sure don’t sweat much.

The only thing that matters is that we’re together.

Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

Go up to a girl, ask her: “Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?” She says no. Then wink.

I bet you $40 you’re gonna turn me down.

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

You’ve been a bad, bad girl (boy). Now go to my room!

I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning??

God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!

Please help the homeless. Take me home with you…

Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching………still searching……get a good grip of your mobile….still searching…….no brains found.

Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand ………………

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

You’d better not be a dayfly and not having your day.

Your Daddy must play the trumpet, cos he sure made me horny!

You’re eyes are bluer than the atlantic ocean and baby, I’m all lost at sea.

You’re like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life!

You’re like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I just can’t stop ya

You’re so hot, your ass is on fire.