How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ………………. ……………….. How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*

How was Heaven when you left it?

How would you like your egg for breakfast…. hard-boiled or impregnated?

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window… I look down & den… i lauf again

I wonder what our children will look like.

Ik would like to be a volcano… smoke all day and people say … look he is working!

To wake up in the morning and always see the sun no matter the weather, I’m glad the day has begun.

We will now upgrade your brain…….Please wait……..Searching…….Searching…….Still searching……..Sorry, no brain found !!!

Are we related? Do you want to be?

Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street.

I’m wearing Revlon colourstay lipstick. Wanna help me test the claim it won’t kiss off?

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?

Screw me if I’m wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts.

The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s say we head back to your place and spread the word.

You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don’t you like pizza?!

You will have to cut back on your sex live. What part will you leave out, talking about it or thinking about it?

You with your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body … o, sorry, wrong number

Got two nipples for a dime?

I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.

I know that Milk does the body good, but wow, how much you been drinking?

I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids…

If a women asks, “Excuse me, do you have the time?” You should answer: “Yeah! Do you have the energy?”

A man was dying of cancer. His son asked himad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied”So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom

Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

The 3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die

As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!

Do you want to see something swell?

Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!

If you want SEX take a boy and RELAX but don’t forget DUREX!!!

If you were a car, I’d wax and ride you all over town.

If you were a laser, you’d be set on “stunning”.

Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.

When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I’m a lady and I play with boys!!

When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.

You know the Power company is looking for you coz you’re so electrifying.

You know, I ain’t this tall. I’m just sitting on my wallet.

You know, you’re very easy on the eyes…and very hard on my erection.

A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? …………………. stupid of course, there are no others

Do I know you from somewhere, because I don’t recognize you with your clothes on?

So….How am I doin’?

The one who digs a hole for someone else, is sweating blood !

What he want, I do not want … What I want, he does not want … What we want, is not allowed!

I have 4 words for you “Hol I Day Inn”.

Say, did we go to different schools together?

Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise

Do you know how to use a whip?

Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?

Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.

Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.

Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.

For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?”

Hold out two fingers and say: “Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?” (I don’t know.) “Cause they’re mine sweetheart.”

I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.

If beauty were an hour, you’d be a second.

I’msorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start. .

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.

Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!

Can I flirt with you?

Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN

Dialogue between 2 undertakers. “Do you have sometimes a dead period?”

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.

Honey, I’m new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.

If you don’t wanna have kids with me, then why don’t we just practice?

You are an unwanted child. Your parents paid the medical expenses for your birth with their accident insurance.

Hi, I’m the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?

I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!

If being ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long.